November 23, 2005
Yesterday was warm and beautiful so we took a ferry over to the city. Sydney has a very convenient transport system as the train platform is just next to the ferry harbor. We thought since we were there, it would be a good idea to check out the train system so we could make sure we know how to get to the airport on Monday. Then we walked around and found ourselves in front of the Museum of Contemporary Art. We decided to go in and ended up spending a couple of hours there. After that we walked around near the Opera House and eventually wandered into the Botanical Gardens (both are free in lovely Sydney!). Walking around we realized that we were both kind of tired so we decided to go catch the ferry back to Manly Beach for our own version of happy hour. We picked up some sushi to go and went back to the apartment overlooking the ocean to eat our snack while enjoying a beer on the balcony. Later in the evening our hosts came home from work and cooked us a gourmet meal, which was absolutely delicious! They served us broiled perch served on a bed of mashed sweet potatoes and roasted pumpkin followed by a waldorf salad then some assorted fancy French cheeses with bread. For dessert we had fresh strawberries to dip in fondue chocolate. To top it off we ate in candlelight on the balcony enjoying the sounds of the surf and the lightening show in the sky. It was truly an amazing meal ambiance and all that made us feel very spoiled! Kirk was right in saying this IS the best restaurant in town.
Today was overcast and rainy here at Manly Beach so Kirk and I had a hard time figuring out what to do. We thought maybe we would spend some time making plans for the weekend. We started to look into places to stay in the Blue Mountains since they are supposed to be beautiful with hiking, mountain biking and kangaroo watching. Unfortunately we checked the weather forecast for that area and it’s supposed to be rainy all weekend. Darn the bad luck! We’re thinking of just going anyway though and hoping for the best. We are debating about bringing our bicycles because of the forecast, we’ll see. Part of our weekend will also be spent visiting the Penrith Whitewater Park, which is near the Blue Mountains. We like to call it McKayaking since it’s a manmade circular whitewater park that has a conveyor belt at the bottom so you never have to get out of your boat. It was constructed for the Olympics that took place here a couple of years ago. Kirk has been looking forward to going back there since he did it last year when we were here.
Lately, Kirk has been having some muscle pains in his neck. He also has mentioned a lack of motivation and a desire to just exist. It’s funny because I felt exactly the same way except it hit me right after getting off the ice and it seems as if just now it’s hitting Kirk. Traveling takes energy and so far neither of us quite feel up to speed. As far as my current condition, I notice that I’m having a hard time making decisions because there are so many choices in a day that it’s a bit overwhelming. I’ve been looking forward to having all of these lovely choices again ever since we returned to Pole for a second year last February, but being amidst it now I find it a little more difficult than I expected. I also am quite content to do nothing and just exist. That makes it tough because I feel like I should be “doing” something. Another issue that occurred to me is that both Kirk and I made the assumption that we would get off the ice and be the same people we were 2 years ago when this all started. We could just pick up where we left off and enjoy the fruits of our labor. In hindsight that seems like a stupid assumption, as life is never that easy, so of course we’re just now figuring out that that is not the case. We have changed a lot and in some ways are institutionalized and finding it hard to be in the main stream of life again. Kirk said he looked in the mirror today and felt like a victim of a concentration camp was looking back at him. We both think we’ve physically deteriorated somewhat. We finally have some color in our skin (even though we’re quite pasty compared to most in this beachy town) and overall we want to believe that we feel pretty good, however the images that we expect to see of ourselves definitely do not match up to reality. We still see the dark circles under our eyes and are constantly aware of the age that the Pole put on us in the 21 months we spent there.
Looking back it is as though the past 2-1/2 years have been both the shortest and the longest of my life. It’s like I took a deep breath before diving into the next period of my life and I’ve been straining to hold it in through the stress of planning our wedding, selling my house, moving in with Kirk, getting married, both of us starting new jobs with the big R, then packing up our lives into a storage unit, getting a renter for our house, and relocating to the South Pole for a year. Then there was adjusting to our new marriage at the Pole and all the changes that encumbered, making it through a year there before leaving for a 6 week whirlwind vacation, then going home for Christmas, trying to catch up with everyone and do as much as possible in that short span of another 6 weeks before we were back to Pole again for 9 months. I spent that whole time holding in that breath and waiting to exhale. I feel like I am finally starting to let it all out but it’s not all at once as I expected. It’s coming out slowly. It’s almost like I’m not quite sure that I remember how to breathe properly in the first place. It leads me to wonder if the sacrifice we made was really worth the cost. Some days I feel it is and some days I feel that it’s not. I guess there is no point in regrets though. I think we’re just not far enough away from the experience to let it go completely. We still talk about Pole and still talk about the issues and conflicts we faced there. I hope that is a healthy part of processing it all so eventually we can leave it behind and move on to other adventures. Every day puts a little more space between us and the Pole, which is a good thing. Thankfully we finally have other things to talk about now that we’re back in the real world instead of constantly rehashing the stupidity and craziness that goes on in that place. That’s a relief!
When we were at the Museum of Contemporary Art yesterday, we watched a documentary that focused on the music that inspires the American soldiers in Iraq. Kirk and I were fascinated and watched the whole thing. I can’t say that I know what those women and men are facing every day over there, but oddly enough I could relate to them in some small way from my experience at Pole. I could see the trauma in their faces and their body language without them speaking about it. What struck a chord with me was their isolation from their “normal” life without their daily comforts or their loved ones and their sheer determination to just make it through their time there in order to have that life back again on the other side. I never feared for my life at Pole as they do in Iraq, but I can just imagine what that does to a person emotionally, physically and mentally, combined with some of the feelings I am dealing with now. If I feel this detached and out of sorts, how do they feel when they return to their lives and try to pick up where they left off, especially when they don’t feel like the same person they were when they left and everyone else has gone on like nothing has changed. That is tough!
Kirk and I talked about that a lot today and just realized that we need to give ourselves time to heal. It didn’t happen the day we left the ice, but it happens a little more day by day. I hope by the end of our journey that we find peace in our choices and strength in our character and that we were not disillusioned by our dreams. Only time will tell.
Today was overcast and rainy here at Manly Beach so Kirk and I had a hard time figuring out what to do. We thought maybe we would spend some time making plans for the weekend. We started to look into places to stay in the Blue Mountains since they are supposed to be beautiful with hiking, mountain biking and kangaroo watching. Unfortunately we checked the weather forecast for that area and it’s supposed to be rainy all weekend. Darn the bad luck! We’re thinking of just going anyway though and hoping for the best. We are debating about bringing our bicycles because of the forecast, we’ll see. Part of our weekend will also be spent visiting the Penrith Whitewater Park, which is near the Blue Mountains. We like to call it McKayaking since it’s a manmade circular whitewater park that has a conveyor belt at the bottom so you never have to get out of your boat. It was constructed for the Olympics that took place here a couple of years ago. Kirk has been looking forward to going back there since he did it last year when we were here.
Lately, Kirk has been having some muscle pains in his neck. He also has mentioned a lack of motivation and a desire to just exist. It’s funny because I felt exactly the same way except it hit me right after getting off the ice and it seems as if just now it’s hitting Kirk. Traveling takes energy and so far neither of us quite feel up to speed. As far as my current condition, I notice that I’m having a hard time making decisions because there are so many choices in a day that it’s a bit overwhelming. I’ve been looking forward to having all of these lovely choices again ever since we returned to Pole for a second year last February, but being amidst it now I find it a little more difficult than I expected. I also am quite content to do nothing and just exist. That makes it tough because I feel like I should be “doing” something. Another issue that occurred to me is that both Kirk and I made the assumption that we would get off the ice and be the same people we were 2 years ago when this all started. We could just pick up where we left off and enjoy the fruits of our labor. In hindsight that seems like a stupid assumption, as life is never that easy, so of course we’re just now figuring out that that is not the case. We have changed a lot and in some ways are institutionalized and finding it hard to be in the main stream of life again. Kirk said he looked in the mirror today and felt like a victim of a concentration camp was looking back at him. We both think we’ve physically deteriorated somewhat. We finally have some color in our skin (even though we’re quite pasty compared to most in this beachy town) and overall we want to believe that we feel pretty good, however the images that we expect to see of ourselves definitely do not match up to reality. We still see the dark circles under our eyes and are constantly aware of the age that the Pole put on us in the 21 months we spent there.
Looking back it is as though the past 2-1/2 years have been both the shortest and the longest of my life. It’s like I took a deep breath before diving into the next period of my life and I’ve been straining to hold it in through the stress of planning our wedding, selling my house, moving in with Kirk, getting married, both of us starting new jobs with the big R, then packing up our lives into a storage unit, getting a renter for our house, and relocating to the South Pole for a year. Then there was adjusting to our new marriage at the Pole and all the changes that encumbered, making it through a year there before leaving for a 6 week whirlwind vacation, then going home for Christmas, trying to catch up with everyone and do as much as possible in that short span of another 6 weeks before we were back to Pole again for 9 months. I spent that whole time holding in that breath and waiting to exhale. I feel like I am finally starting to let it all out but it’s not all at once as I expected. It’s coming out slowly. It’s almost like I’m not quite sure that I remember how to breathe properly in the first place. It leads me to wonder if the sacrifice we made was really worth the cost. Some days I feel it is and some days I feel that it’s not. I guess there is no point in regrets though. I think we’re just not far enough away from the experience to let it go completely. We still talk about Pole and still talk about the issues and conflicts we faced there. I hope that is a healthy part of processing it all so eventually we can leave it behind and move on to other adventures. Every day puts a little more space between us and the Pole, which is a good thing. Thankfully we finally have other things to talk about now that we’re back in the real world instead of constantly rehashing the stupidity and craziness that goes on in that place. That’s a relief!
When we were at the Museum of Contemporary Art yesterday, we watched a documentary that focused on the music that inspires the American soldiers in Iraq. Kirk and I were fascinated and watched the whole thing. I can’t say that I know what those women and men are facing every day over there, but oddly enough I could relate to them in some small way from my experience at Pole. I could see the trauma in their faces and their body language without them speaking about it. What struck a chord with me was their isolation from their “normal” life without their daily comforts or their loved ones and their sheer determination to just make it through their time there in order to have that life back again on the other side. I never feared for my life at Pole as they do in Iraq, but I can just imagine what that does to a person emotionally, physically and mentally, combined with some of the feelings I am dealing with now. If I feel this detached and out of sorts, how do they feel when they return to their lives and try to pick up where they left off, especially when they don’t feel like the same person they were when they left and everyone else has gone on like nothing has changed. That is tough!
Kirk and I talked about that a lot today and just realized that we need to give ourselves time to heal. It didn’t happen the day we left the ice, but it happens a little more day by day. I hope by the end of our journey that we find peace in our choices and strength in our character and that we were not disillusioned by our dreams. Only time will tell.
posted by Kirk & Jodi Roberts at 11:31 AM
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